can’t do a thing but wait

so i’ve made a small list of things that might be good about living at mom’s next year: she has a dvd player; maybe i can garden a little; sometimes she’s nice; my sister’s there; i will have lots of free time to knit and sew and do other fun crafty things.
i know there are still options for staying, like if i get a graduate assistantship (tuition waiver + stipend + insurance) or if i somehow find a way to not pay rent. i also know i could get a private loan but i already have so much to pay in federal loans that i don’t think i want to add a higher interest rate private loan to it. that’s why i didn’t go to mcgill, after all. and i would need a co-signer, and i don’t want to ask any of my various parents, though i have many, to do that. i’d rather take the year off. in any case, the situation still might change and i might be able to stay, but i can’t count on any of those things, so i’m trying to get used to the idea of not being here. i’m decidedly unhappy about it, but i know that if that’s what has to happen, i’ll be fine.
and i’m going to turn the damned application in on february first next year.
in other news, i have so much homework right now, and i don’t want to do any of it. i had almost nothing due for the first month of the term because the second-year students were all working on their portfolios. it’s very nice that the professors were so mindful of that, of course, but now i have at least one paper due every week for the rest of the term. this week there is ungraded cataloging homework as well as a cataloging assignment that is worth 30% of the final grade, and also an archives paper in which i have to analyze one or more of the readings from the first half of the term (which means i have to actually do them).
i converted some old pants this weekend. v. exciting.

(song: “for me this is heaven,” jimmy eat world. i didn’t think i liked them but i like this song and the other one that’s on the pink cd, so maybe i do like them.)