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too aware of the pending

oh, now i remember why i was hesitant at first to live with my mom next year. it’s because after about three hours i wanted to walk in front of a bus. she whacked my leg, and i asked why she had done that, and she told me to rephrase the question because i was being defensive.
it’s entirely likely that i am defensive, but that is because i have to defend myself against her. otherwise the conversation will be all about how i’m obese, and i am wearing the wrong clothes and they don’t look good on me, and i shouldn’t be spending so much money (none of which, incidentally, is contributed by her), and i should be planning my future differently, and i’m generally a bad person. well, fine, these things may all be true, but i don’t really feel i have to just sit there and discuss it with her. i cover all those topics quite well all by myself, and i don’t need her help in beating myself up.
anyway, assuming i’m in portland next year, i won’t be living with her any longer than it takes to get a job and a place.

in other news, i have become a non-homework-doing, fiction-reading MACHINE! last week i checked out indian killer on thursday at about 3:30, and i had finished it, AND written about a third of a paper, by midnight. the book was good. intense, easy to read (clearly), and still stuck in my head, five days later. then this weekend i finished eva moves the furniture, whose LC cataloging-in-publication subject headings say it’s about scotland and imaginary friends. also good. sad, and kind of … rainy. i don’t really know what that means. i was down at folklife when i finished that and i had more time to kill, so i bought possession for $2. it is intense in a different way. i had a harder time than usual getting into the writing style, but now that i am used to it, and now that things are actually happening, i think i enjoy it.
now to return to your regularly scheduled taking out of the garbage and packing up of the desk drawers and shelves. boo for moving.

(song: “the past and pending,” the shins)

8 comments to too aware of the pending

  • well, assuming you’re in portland next year, you could always room with me… (ignoring the basic fact that we would drive each other nuts) but there would be a few perks – first, i am in no position to criticize you on anything you say grammatically speaking, of course, second, i have no complaints about your spending habits (provided you go to concerts with me) and third – i am MUCH more obese than you, so those comments are right out.

  • you keep saying we would drive each other nuts. i don’t really think that. i have a few basic rules pertaining to putting things away in the kitchen and hair in sinks and locking, but not slamming, doors, and i am willing to listen to others’ basic rules, so i think it would be fine. plus we could have beatles dance parties every night!
    i think it would be fun.

  • K

    Read comics.
    Read comics.
    Read comics.

  • shelby

    I wish I did not have a permanent sort of roommate, and was semi-movable to Portland. If I could, I would SO move to Portland to room with you! And have kitties! Let’s ignore the fact that I am really, really bad at having roommates. I could learn. =)
    Okay, I am going to respond to your email TODAY! I am in an i-miss-lauren-so-much mood.
    Also. I am so mad at what mothers can do to their daughters. Because I’m pretty sure you only think those things about yourself because she told you to. I wish that friends could undo it… we can’t, but we’ll just keep telling you you’re wonderful anyway. [hug]

  • You’re always welcome in Tillamook!

  • Trevor

    You’re always welcome in Bury St Edmunds!

  • andi

    I miss you too, lauren! so much!

  • Leigh

    Live with me! Live with me! Seriously, though, we do have an extra room with a bed and everything, and you would be more than welcome with us. We’re not quite as centrally located as your mom, but we are close to a bus line, within walking distance of the library and other fun things, and won’t say bad things about you that make you defensive.

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