i would be, i should be, but how?

there was just a trailer for garden state and it made me sad. i don’t know why. maybe it’s the song, which might be the one that makes shelby cry. or maybe it’s the movie. i was thinking about it today – i think it is meant to make people like me identify with it. people who don’t have a place yet – i mean not just a physical place, but also a job-place and a relationship-place and a self-place. lately i think a lot about how much i want a place, and how far away i am from it. it used not to bother me, but people around me are starting to find their places, and it is a little disorienting. i wonder if i will ever have a place. i’m not sure.

(song: “one of these things first,” nick drake. the movie’s soundtrack is also quite good.)

5 comments to i would be, i should be, but how?

  • shelby

    I know how you feel. I really do, even though I’m starting to find my place in the world, and have it feel like home. I used to feel that intensely… see my old posts about wishing I had a house to put a trunk of my old things in.
    It will happen for you, I promise. Until then, come stay in my guest room. Oh, and hey, total side note: we might need a house sitter for next summer if we have to move to Portland for the summer so Eric can have a job.
    And selfishly, I’m glad that you (and others) are thinking about this, because I feel more supported in my desire for creating “home” — whereas it feels like my significant other’s friends are staunchly NOT supportive.

  • that is because they are dumb. and possibly resentful. and maybe a little jealous.
    i will come stay in your guest room!!

  • Definately put me in the “Supportive of Having a Home” column, Shelby. I think it’s great that you have a place to put your trunk of stuff and call home.

    And Lauren, I totally know how you feel. I’ve got an actual “career” job now and I’ve set out to seek my fortune, but I still don’t really feel settled yet. Like I’m waiting for something definate to happen, but I don’t know what.

    -= Chris

  • I’m totally supportive of wanting to be settled and create a home, Shebly. It sounds really good, in fact, because I’m so unsettled myself. When I was in school, life outside it seemed sort of scary but also sort of simple, like I’d get a job and everything would just be solved. And really, it’s much, much more complicated now. Which is not an uplifting thing for you to hear, lauren love, I’m sure, but you’re not alone in feeling that way. It’s hard, much harder than I’d have ever thought, to find a place. I’m taking suggestions if anyone has them. Also, dates with hot boys who vote Democrat.

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