oh, now i remember why i was hesitant at first to live with my mom next year. it’s because after about three hours i wanted to walk in front of a bus. she whacked my leg, and i asked why she had done that, and she told me to rephrase the question because i was being defensive.
it’s entirely likely that i am defensive, but that is because i have to defend myself against her. otherwise the conversation will be all about how i’m obese, and i am wearing the wrong clothes and they don’t look good on me, and i shouldn’t be spending so much money (none of which, incidentally, is contributed by her), and i should be planning my future differently, and i’m generally a bad person. well, fine, these things may all be true, but i don’t really feel i have to just sit there and discuss it with her. i cover all those topics quite well all by myself, and i don’t need her help in beating myself up.
anyway, assuming i’m in portland next year, i won’t be living with her any longer than it takes to get a job and a place.
in other news, i have become a non-homework-doing, fiction-reading MACHINE! last week i checked out indian killer on thursday at about 3:30, and i had finished it, AND written about a third of a paper, by midnight. the book was good. intense, easy to read (clearly), and still stuck in my head, five days later. then this weekend i finished eva moves the furniture, whose LC cataloging-in-publication subject headings say it’s about scotland and imaginary friends. also good. sad, and kind of … rainy. i don’t really know what that means. i was down at folklife when i finished that and i had more time to kill, so i bought possession for $2. it is intense in a different way. i had a harder time than usual getting into the writing style, but now that i am used to it, and now that things are actually happening, i think i enjoy it.
now to return to your regularly scheduled taking out of the garbage and packing up of the desk drawers and shelves. boo for moving.
(song: “the past and pending,” the shins)