laurenisms » people

Wake

lauren — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 06:01:21 +0000

So, I never said on this blog about Oscar.

I mentioned that he had a scary episode that resolved itself. After that he started eating again mostly, but it was just a few — maybe six? weeks — before we noticed his appetite was declining and he was losing weight pretty severely. I blogged about it over at the farm blog, which I figure if you read this blog you also read the farm blog, so you already know, but maybe you don’t. Oscar died at home with us, on his own terms, on June 26, 2011, and we are still very sad. I think we will be very sad for a long time. Oscar was an amazing, wonderful, one-of-a-kind dog.

I know everyone says this about their dog, but in this case it seems like everyone ELSE is saying this about THIS dog. People came out of the woodwork to say “I don’t really get dogs, but Oscar was a great dog” and “Oscar made me love dogs” (I’m one of those — he was such a gateway dog) and “I have had dogs forever, and that Oscar was some good dog.” etc.

G. had Oscar for about 11 years. I arrived when Oscar was about 5-ish. We went on an outing to the beach one time, when we (G. and I — Oscar was quite confident, as you will see) weren’t sure if we were on a date or not. It was all very awkward. We walked on the beach trails and then we sat down on opposite ends of a bench, because it was not-quite-a-date. G. was holding Oscar’s leash in his left hand, and I was sitting on the left side of the bench and G. was on the right side. Oscar assessed the situation, then casually walked around the bench to the left so that suddenly G.’s arm was behind me and basically around my shoulders, like G. had been a sneaky yawning teenager in a movie theater. At the time I thought “YOU TRAINED HIM TO DO THAT” and was kind of pissed, but I didn’t say anything out loud. I wasn’t able to verbally acknowledge that that had actually happened until we were at least a few weeks together, and I knew Oscar better. Then I figured out that it was all Oscar. He knew what he was up to, and he never did anything he didn’t want to.

When I was first on the scene, and I sat on one corner of G’s couch to watch tv, Oscar would sit and stare at me with big soulful eyes. I thought he was sad and envious that I had taken his spot on the couch. He did it when I sat at the kitchen table too. That took me a while to learn, too — that that was just Oscar. With the staring. He didn’t hate me. It was a loving staring. Oscar loved everyone.

Oscar had a really nice big neck scruff that you could put your whole face into. He had really soft ears, and spotty feets. He never licked you, and he would put his head on your lap and look at you with his big eyes. He would chase tennis balls, sometimes. He could fit Ruby’s whole head in his mouth, and did so regularly. When I got home from work and opened the gate, he would be so excited he would pounce on Ruby and make his wookiee noises, and then they would rassle. He didn’t like to come up on the couch much because he felt like he didn’t fit in the space he had, but sometimes he’d come up anyway so that we would be happy. We always gave him the dinner plate with more goodies (gravy, fat/meat bits, etc) than the one that Ruby got. He had a really fluffy tail and it went thump really loudly. You always knew when Oscar was happy, because of the thump.

It is pretty hard. There is a new kid, Fry, who will get his own blog post, and we love Fry, but it doesn’t make it less hard. I haven’t had to hasten myself to the bathroom at work in a few weeks, but a few times I’ve thought about it hard and decided to suppress. This whole thing is a first for me, and it really sucks a lot. I don’t really have a good conclusion to this but I guess it is its own conclusion. Life goes on for us without Oscar. It is sad and it is the way things go.

Oscar has a scary

lauren — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:10:49 +0000

Oscar, the best dog ever, had an unexpected and undesirable vet visit this morning. G. texted me just as I was getting out of the bus tunnel with “Oscar is sick we are at the vet.” I immediately started freaking out and he called a few seconds later to say Oscar had been curled up all small, and drooling, which is unlike him, and when he tried to walk he held his hips like an inbred German Shepherd and then started staggering like he was drunk and eventually gave up walking completely. I tried to think of all the things that he has been eating or may have eaten lately — cat poop from the cat box (so gross, we just got a new one with a lid to prevent it), soup that I spilled that had lots of various kinds of veggies in it, and, most alarmingly, the rat poison I have been putting out in the greenhouse (I know, it’s horrible, we’ll get the cat unleashed on the world soon) that has been only in the greenhouse but maybe he found a dead rat outside of the greenhouse and ate it?

Much churning of this sort went on over frantic texts and emails, with me starting my day at work all distracted, laying groundwork for having to leave and come straight home again right now to say goodbye, and G. running the gauntlet of the super-worried vet receptionist and the super-worried vet tech. G. discusses the fact that it seems like he’s having a stroke, or a seizure maybe. Eventually the doctor, who we really like, arrived, looked at Oscar, and said oh, it’s probably an ear infection.

WHAT. We thought it was a stroke or rat poison but it is probably an ear infection? OK, I’ll take it.

Ultimately not quite so simple, but also not the worst news. It is something called vestibular disease or disorder, which could have many causes. Ear infection is a common one — and Oscar is prone to them, especially during allergy season, which it is for him right now. But my second-hand info via Garth is that it is not a straight-up ear infection; they didn’t send them home with any antibiotics, so it seems like that’s the case. For now it is diagnosed as idiopathic, which means we don’t know why it is there, and it may resolve itself eventually. We hope.

In the meantime, poor Oscar is hugging the floor waiting for the world to stop spinning. He doesn’t want to lift his head up because he is so dizzy he can’t hold his head still when it’s not attached to the floor. The biggest risk at this point is of malnutrition/dehydration/pooping all over the floor because he hasn’t the balance to get up. There’s nothing wrong with his muscles or anything, it’s just his balance is all messed up. He hasn’t eaten or drank anything since I got home from work just over 3 hours ago, so I’m going to agitate for figuring out how to make sure he’s staying healthy while his ears recalibrate themselves.

I’ll never dance with another

lauren — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 20:28:27 +0000

Next weekend is big ol’ sibling reunion time in Madison, Wisconsin. We spend Xmas with my stepmom, as she is the only person in either of our families who cares about the yearly reunion actually being on Dec. 24-25, so we have to make sure to plan to see the other families throughout the year. So we scheduled Madison (G’s dad, stepmom, aunt & uncle, younger brother & sister-in-law & new baby, and grandfather) for February. Next time I might think that through a little more carefully; it’s quite cold there currently. Happily, though, my sister will be coming out to Madison from DC for the weekend, as well. I expect we will do a lot of sitting around and eating good food.

I really did have something more interesting to say but it’s all forgotten now. Oh well. In the future, perhaps.

(song: “Saw Her Standing There,” the Beatles. Oh, little screamy Paul.)

She’d had no idea

lauren — Thu, 13 Oct 2005 02:55:08 +0000

Oh good, it’s still here!
Several smallish stories piled up over the last … month.
***
Mentally composed on Monday, September 19: I am cranky because last night I organized my life: figured out hours at my new job (which is the same as my old job), blocked out homework time during every day so I can try to keep it out of my free weekend time, made sure to schedule gym time three days a week. I was excited and energetic about my goals and I was going to DO IT, dammit, and today I woke up sick. Now no gym until I can breathe again; no work until I can move without feeling like my head is going to fall off. I get sick so rarely; did it have to interfere with my beginning-of-the-term optimism about getting things done? Now I may never recover.
***
Mentally composed at some point within the last couple of weeks: Yes, it’s definitely fall now and this means it’s time to reread Jane Eyre* and Ahab’s Wife. For some reason — perhaps the fact that they are full of wind and water and darkness — they remind me of fall and fall reminds me of them.
***
Mentally composed at some point within the last several weeks: Seven thousand fifty-eight flying and driving miles, four states, and ten-ish months later, the fourth and final stage of the extensive project that is meeting all the various combinations of divorced and remarried parents is over. We learned that the interaction between my mother and me at Thanksgiving is not a good first introduction to my mother; that Hawai’i is too hot, even in December, that I have become a (or discovered my hidden inner) dog person, and that three days in different states is bizarrely traumatic; that Wisconsin weather is hard on poor Northwesterners, but that Madison would be lovely if it weren’t so sillily flat and if it would just cool down at night (although then there would be no thunderstorms); and that my Reno family is almost too large to be tolerated, but that drinks in Reno are very cheap. It was a fun and adventurous project, the meeting of the parents, but I am happy never have to do it again.
***
Composed today: I did recover from the cold, physically and in terms of optimism as well. I started going to the gym again last week, finally, and though I couldn’t make it last Friday, I went today, and it’s already getting easier. School is well underway and I am actually getting stuff done. I am almost done with my portfolio; pending a few changes, my advisor will pass it and it will be on the randomly-chosen secondary reader. I got to see my sister last weekend, and we drove to Astoria to take her to her orthodontist appointment. That meant we also got to go to the beach and Shannon’s favorite restaurant and a wonderful fishmonger. I saw Serenity again and everyone else should go see it, too, even though J.W. ruined all my hopes and dreams. Today I applied for a really exciting job that I’m actually qualified for, even though I’d have to be in school full-time and working full-time through December. It might be the perfect job, though, so I am willing to sacrifice those six weeks to misery. In about a year an honest woman will be made out of me. I plan to wear a red dress. So maybe not that honest.

(song: “Question,” Old 97s)
* I love Project Gutenberg. Everyone should use it all the time.

Drink it by the pitcher and not by the glass

lauren — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 07:10:11 +0000

I have just turned in my last paper of the summer — well, my last real paper — almost twenty minutes early! Woo!
I have also: been in Shelby’s wedding (cried); got in more arguments with my mother, who is not so good at rationality sometimes (did not cry); cried about a puppy I fell in love with online but who got adopted by someone else (cried); finally tried dirty martinis (rejoiced) and wondered why I have not been drinking them for years (regretted lost time); gotten fancy shiny new flipflops (rejoiced); had job interviews for two (!) different grown-up jobs (fretted, then was optimistic).

Upcoming: wait to hear about jobs; find another puppy; drink more dirty martinis.

(song: “Portland, Oregon,” Loretta Lynn & Jack White)

that’s what we pay him for, that’s why we pray

lauren — Thu, 26 Aug 2004 18:24:36 +0000

i’m such a wimp.
last night we watched totoro and it was super cute. i supsect that for other people it’s about monsters or spirits or whatever the hell totoro is, but for me it’s about sisters. especially the part where the little one gets lost and the big one is so worried. it made me worried too.
but then the catbus comes and says “next stop, little sister!” and takes the big one to the little one and everyone is ok.
if i had a catbus i would visit my sister all the time.

(song: “flinty kind of woman,” dar williams. radio KoL is good to me – it introduces me to dar williams songs about a posse of pissed-off mamas chopping up some guy who touched their kids. yay!)

he still found time to write to her

lauren — Thu, 12 Aug 2004 23:56:08 +0000

there is not much news on the three-bean salad front today, except that i am going to make a whole bunch tonight and take it to stephanie‘s potluck. i have never actually been to a potluck before, and i am excited to have a yummy thing to take!
even if it is a toga potluck. my sheets have flowers on them. it will be the lamest toga ever.
yesterday a stitch n bitch with andi & stephanie & stephanie’s cute boyfriend devolved into a bar night at rennie’s with half the math department, just like old times. it was made even more nostalgic by the fact that i should have been at home writing a paper which is due tonight at midnight and which is currently only 10% done.
you can tell when i have a lot of crap to do, because i start posting more often …

(song: “our love,” rhett miller. hurry the hell up, new CDs!!!)

too aware of the pending

lauren — Wed, 02 Jun 2004 00:05:14 +0000

oh, now i remember why i was hesitant at first to live with my mom next year. it’s because after about three hours i wanted to walk in front of a bus. she whacked my leg, and i asked why she had done that, and she told me to rephrase the question because i was being defensive.
it’s entirely likely that i am defensive, but that is because i have to defend myself against her. otherwise the conversation will be all about how i’m obese, and i am wearing the wrong clothes and they don’t look good on me, and i shouldn’t be spending so much money (none of which, incidentally, is contributed by her), and i should be planning my future differently, and i’m generally a bad person. well, fine, these things may all be true, but i don’t really feel i have to just sit there and discuss it with her. i cover all those topics quite well all by myself, and i don’t need her help in beating myself up.
anyway, assuming i’m in portland next year, i won’t be living with her any longer than it takes to get a job and a place.

in other news, i have become a non-homework-doing, fiction-reading MACHINE! last week i checked out indian killer on thursday at about 3:30, and i had finished it, AND written about a third of a paper, by midnight. the book was good. intense, easy to read (clearly), and still stuck in my head, five days later. then this weekend i finished eva moves the furniture, whose LC cataloging-in-publication subject headings say it’s about scotland and imaginary friends. also good. sad, and kind of … rainy. i don’t really know what that means. i was down at folklife when i finished that and i had more time to kill, so i bought possession for $2. it is intense in a different way. i had a harder time than usual getting into the writing style, but now that i am used to it, and now that things are actually happening, i think i enjoy it.
now to return to your regularly scheduled taking out of the garbage and packing up of the desk drawers and shelves. boo for moving.

(song: “the past and pending,” the shins)

i want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and luscious

lauren — Thu, 29 Apr 2004 05:32:59 +0000

in my quest to stop trying to collect things, i have started to collect containers for things. this is partly because i am also interested in making things from other things lately, and partially because i feel like if i could just put the stuff i have into containers and organize it a little better, it would take up less space. this is probably true, actually, because in the process of putting it from one box into another, i would be getting rid of a lot of it.
in theory.
in any case this needs to start happening soon, because i am still planning on going down to eugene for the summer in mid-june. it depends on a lot of variables, of course – it seems like everything does at this point in life – but if all goes as planned, i’ll be starting a paid library internship (for credit, too!) on june 20; i’ll be living in courtney’s super cute apartment while she has fun in africa and visiting shelby‘s (well, and eric’s too) new house and andi&quent’s apartment; i’ll be sitting on the balcony drinking rennie’s lemonade in the afternoon just like old times. hooray!

(song: “perfect world,” liz phair. all except the vulnerable part. i want to be less vulnerable, not more.)

i am a visitor here … i am not permanent

lauren — Thu, 15 Apr 2004 06:58:41 +0000

it has come to my attention that i have been lacking in my detailing my mother’s love life. i mentioned that she’ll be moving out in two years and that i’d like to move in. i didn’t explain why. so here is the answer:
she is getting married.
again.
background story: i don’t remember my parents ever being together; they divorced when i was about two. my first stepdad was nice and worked for hewlett-packard, but he died when i was four or five, i think. my second stepdad is my sister’s dad. i don’t really remember a whole lot about them being together except that he had a big scary red dog and no hair. my third stepdad potentially has OCD. he thinks mom was the controlling, scary, yelly one, and he blames her for that and for emotionally abusing him (and, peripherally, me and my sister, but he is much more interested in himself), but he doesn’t realize that it got about fifty times worse as soon as he moved in. pretty much the only positive memory i have of him is when he took me to get my ears pierced when i was thirteen. it was against mom’s rule of having to be sixteen, but i think it was a planned “rebelling” to get me to like him. they just got divorced about a year and a half ago.
so counting the one before my dad, right after high school, which lasted somewhere between six weeks and six months, and which i didn’t know about until i was about ten, that makes five marriages total. and now it will be six. she is not quite fifty years old. i feel that this has messed both her and me up in a not insignificant way.
the plan is for her to move in with the new guy in a different town a couple of hours away when my sister goes to college. i was worried that this meant that she would try to sell the portland house, which i want desperately, but she says she won’t. i told her if she wants to sell it, she has to wait until i can buy it from her. then when he retires (he’s a podiatrist!) in ten years, they will buy a farm somewhere in washington. with chickens.
i am really excited about the chickens. i am slightly apprehensive, but more approving than i was of the last guy, of the podiatrist. he has grandkids so i am totally off the hook now for reproducing, which pleases me. i think he essentially asked for my blessing the other day, and i clapped my hands and said yay. so i guess i think it’s all right.
plus it lets me fantasize about the house without the pesky problem of how i got ahold of it. a fantasy isn’t as much fun if your mom has to die in it to make it possible.

(song: “the district sleeps alone tonight,” the postal service.)