if i could you know i would just hold your hand and you’d understand
Thursday, 31 July, 2003
people who have the same insecurities and neuroses should not be together.
ever.
(also, forgot yesterday that another really cool thing is that i am kind of learning a fun new computer language, called sql. it makes me think like a database. it’s really cool! i should have been a programmer.)
(song: “i’m the man who loves you,” wilco)
Posted by lauren-import at 12:43 pm |
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but who am i to blow against the wind?
Wednesday, 30 July, 2003
today’s theme: things that are cool vs things that are stupid.
cool: today i finally dragged myself out of bed at six o’clock to go running. i got a walkman with a radio the other day, so now i can listen to npr and not get bored. it was really nice out at six o’clock this morning!
stupid: haven’t been to see pirates of the caribbean yet. am wasting away for lack of my boyfriend orlando!
cool: my new sleater-kinney album, all hands on the bad one. it was a tough decision, either that one or chinatown, but it’s a good album.
stupid: love. what the hell? whose idea was this? it’s ridiculous. reading these books in which all these people fall in and out of love with each other all over the place. they betray and hurt each other and lie and suffer. some of them are purposely manipulative, and some of them are weak and therefore malleable, but none of them have any control over it. what is the point of this? why does anyone put up with this? why do people voluntarily give someone else control over their happiness like that? it just seems … silly. why does anyone ever like anyone else, and what does liking someone have to do with caring if the other likes you, or what the other thinks of you? not to sound like i’m not susceptible, too. of course i am. which is probably why it makes me so mad.
cool: eggplant parmesan, which my mama helped me cook, ‘cos she came to visit me last weekend.
stupid: time to go back to work. two more days before i can sleep in …
(song: “i know what i know,” paul simon)
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shackled to a heart that wants to settle
Friday, 25 July, 2003
no exciting news this week. except! i get to stay at symantec longer, yet again! hooray! now i am staying until september, which is really great ‘cos it means i don’t have to move to portland and then move again to seattle two weeks later. however, since my landlord seems to be on vacation, it’s not clear that i don’t actually have to move out in mid-august … so there might be difficulties. apparently i might be able to stay at sebastian’s if i get kicked out, but only because he’ll be in germany. but anyway, it’s nice to still have a job. yesterday i started a new project which does not involve macros but which is possibly even more tedious than my old merging project. i have to count a lot of things today. it’s kind of lame.
i went to see lord of the rings again the other day because sebastian and his friend corey had not seen it. it was, of course, good. and i’ve become obsessed with the forsyte saga on pbs. so much drama!
this weekend my mom is coming to visit! which means i have to clean. (interpretation: shove everything in the closet.) should get to work so i can leave early so i can do that.
(song: “mercury,” counting crows)
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enough to make me warm
Friday, 18 July, 2003
i am very bloggy this week. strange.
my moving plan has possibly been revised: i suspect i will be kicked out in mid-august, since i moved in in mid-august, too; this fact really stressed me out and made me want to cry until i realized i could maybe just go to portland & camp at mom’s until it’s time to move up to seattle. then i won’t have to pay rent or anything during that week, and i can hang out with my sister, and i won’t have to stress about not having a job for the last few weeks of the summer, ‘cos i’ll be up there. the drawback is that i’ll have to rent a u-haul twice, which is not pleasant, since i’ll also have to pay first & last month’s rent when we move in, but … i’m going to pretend i’m broke for the rest of the summer in hopes of saving money. we’ll see how that goes.
i really like the name aidan.
last night i went to two parties! first i went to a barbecue with my friend/former resident kilian, who is fun. i met lots of people at spencer view, and i was sad that i did not live there. they have gardens! and a place to have a barbecue! i was jealous. then i went home and put on my superhero costume to go to stephanie’s … i was “ONLY SEMI-STEREOTYPICAL LIBRARIAN GIRL!!!” aka lazy girl who doesn’t want to find a costume. it consisted of shorts and a tank top (that’s the normal-person part), and then a shapeless grey sweater, and a purse full of books & yarn & knitting needles. that’s the librarian part. and my glasses, but they are my all-the-time glasses. and, someone guessed that i was a librarian! i was excited. he said “who else would have a bag full of books and knitting?” anyway i had fun. mostly talked to “cardboard tube samurai” aka sho, the very famous reporter, who had a funny hat. i had a good time, actually, and was sad about leaving at midnight to go to bed. stupid normal-person work.
this weekend i have Nothing To Do, and it is so exciting! i feel like i haven’t had a free weekend with no working and no traveling and no anything in a Long Time. tho’ going to seattle, seeing concerts, etc. are fun things, i sometimes get tired of running around all over the place, y’know? so i am looking forward to sleeping in, sitting outside in the sun and reading a book, going running, and just generally being lazy. and, possibly, starting to pack. yay, no plans!!
(song: “barrel of a gun,” guster)
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the way we look to a distant constellation
Thursday, 17 July, 2003
i hate sneezing.
yesterday i had to wait for an hour to get a shot which took approximately two seconds. but they gave me a snoopy bandaid, so that was nice.
was the blue better than the red? or maybe purple like the old page? or …? please advise.
i am thinking about having a yard sale before i move. unless any of y’all want all my random crap. laundry basket? lots of mismatched silverware? no one?
i am also thinking about the best personal ad ever, which was in the eugene weekly:
FOR A WHILE
Bookish, daydreamy 24 y.o. shut-in seeks shy eccentric for hand-holding, mild hysterics, wild monkey sex. Glasses, curves: bueno.
unfortunately many factors prevent me from being able to call this person, not the least of which is that it costs almost $2 a minute to leave a message.
i think i just like it ‘cos it uses the word “bookish.” and likes glasses. yay!
today’s theme is: randomness.
(song: “boy in the bubble,” paul simon)
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the words i think on a page i was meaning to send you
Tuesday, 15 July, 2003
today: atonement for breaking promise to write more last week.
this morning while i was walking to the bus, i saw a pretty moth wing with no moth attached to it. it was the kind that has a fake eye on it to scare the predators, just a brown wing with a bright purple and white spot in the middle. it was really pretty, but i was sad for the moth who didn’t have it anymore. then i saw what was probably just a gull feather, all grey and white, lying on the sidewalk … i know gull feathers are neither rare nor particularly interesting, but this one looked very nice. so i was pleased with my finds. it made it be a good morning, even though i woke up late.
good thing about living in seattle: i will not have to drive to portland just for ethiopian food. we went to queen of sheba with my mum on sunday, and it was very yummy. the nice man told me there are lots of ethiopian restaurants in seattle, so i am looking forward to that. also, i have decided to inform the burrito boy people that i will be requiring them to open a store in seattle, as well. this morning since i took the bus i got to go to the downtown one, which is very tiny, and get rice with mole. the man was very nice and said he used to eat that for breakfast when he was a kid, and only charged me a quarter for the mole. i guess if they give me their mole recipe, they don’t have to move to seattle. (no, i am not talking about small furry diggy animals.)
nothing else has happened since i last posted. since that was yesterday. went home. travis is back from hawaii, yay. read new books and old books. blah blah blah. the usual nothing.
(song: “i’m the man who loves you,” wilco)
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my mind is on the blink
Monday, 14 July, 2003
yeah, so i’m a liar. didn’t post last week. sorry. i know i disappointed my fans. (pffffffffft.) (that’s me scoffing at the idea of having fans.)
but, it’s not my fault. there was nothing to talk about. went to rennie’s with heath, who lent me some new cds, since no one else heeded my call for music recommendations. (actually, to be fair, heath didn’t either.) read some books. started a new sock, which is very exciting. i think i might start a knitting blog, either here or over at blogspot or something. i made bill give me the ability to start new blogs, but he doesn’t want me to use it. oh, yes. on thursday i went to see my boyfriend adam and his lovely band. unfortunately, this was the first concert i have ever been to that started on time and with no opening band; it was also the first one i have been half an hour late to. this was v. disappointing because i was not interested in john mayer, who was the other band playing; i hoped he would open but i guess twelve million sorority girls’ preferences get precedence over mine. so i missed the first half hour of the counting crows set, which turned out to be only slightly less than half of it. i was sad. oh well, i will just have to go see him again elsewhere, i guess.
and then i went to seattle on friday … sebastian came, which was an adventure. i didn’t think he would, but then he did, and then i felt responsible for making sure he had fun, and i don’t think i did a very good job. most of saturday morning, he read while evi and shan and i went apartment hunting. the end result, fortunately, is that we got an apartment!! i’m so excited about moving in with the girls and also really really relieved to not have to worry about it anymore.
anyhoo, just went to the library and got new books so i shall go read them and work on my sock. since it’s too hot to go running … stupid hot.
(song: “i’m so tired,” beatles)
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this girl listens to the band play
Sunday, 6 July, 2003
i have been busy and bored at the same time, which is a strange combination; also, it means i have both nothing to write about and no time in which to write about it. however, if i wait long enough between posts, some things happen that i can talk about. these things are, in no particular order:
- work;
- computer games;
- had my bike stolen (now i can say i have had the full eugene experience);
- departure of olly, andi, and travis, to england, various points in europe, and hawaii, respectively;
- party at sho’s friend dan’s house, at which i was positive i was going to die, because of twelve million people on the porch, which seemed to be on the verge of collapse, until the cops came and made everyone leave, thereby (i am sure) saving us all from certain death;
- return of Boy, who !apologized! for being dumb, and resumed previous consistent niceness, thereby making it totally impossible for me to do what i had been planning and make him go away;
- finally made sebastian check library books out for me (i hate not being a student) so now i am reading the alexandria quartet, by lawrence durrell, which is very interesting, tho’ possibly misogynistic;
- beer at flying dogs (formerly yelo, formerly bubba’s), where the nice waiter looked sad that it was just me and sebastian and sho, and not all the rest of the commentator crew, like it usually is;
- watched dragonflies, fishes, and cute baby ducks, who are growing up but are still fuzzy and absolutely adorable, in the millrace in the sun;
- fourth of july party at lovely courtney’s house, at which
- i had a really interesting conversation about pornography and exploitation of women with a guy who i thought was listening to me; when we were done he went away and then came back five minutes later and said yes i was right and i had made several good points. i was very excited about being right and having good points until i noticed he was addressing these comments to my chest, and was actually just interested in giving me a foot massage and coming over to my house to show me the video tape of his band (well, prolly not just interested in that) … why would someone think that after a conversation in which i referred to myself as a “radical feminist” and used the term “exploitation of women” several times, he would get me to like him by talking to my chest?;
- drank Way Too Much, thanks to jello shots and green kool-aid with vodka;
- played drinking card games, at which i am not very good, until very late;
- did not watch fireworks;
- had, in general, a fantastic time. courtney is the best.
- went to luckey’s, a semi-seedy bar, with the usual math people to see station wag, a band that math eric is in. math eric is very cool. his band, also, is pretty cool, though not what i would normally consider my thing. and, a super nice girl who is a math wife was there; she works at the library so we talked about libraries, and then we talked about the terrible terrible tragedy of The Death in h.p.5. oh god. so awful. what will harry do??
today i stupidly left the house on my way to work without eating and without bringing food, so i stopped at the kiva before getting on the bus and bought bread and brie and fruit. i am pretending i’m in france (belgium, scotland), and being sad that i’m not. but i’m at work now so i need to, well, work. i will be a better updater this week. going to seattle next weekend to house hunt. and going to see counting crows on thursday!!!!! am v. excited. so i will have those things to talk about.
ok. working now. bad lauren.
(song: “hanginaround,” counting crows)