floating in space
Thursday, 29 April, 2004
ha. i guess this is what i get for thinking that things are going well.
(disclaimer: i know this is totally my fault. however, i didn’t think that a couple of weeks would make this much of a difference.)
i turned my fafsa in late and now i can’t go to school next year unless i come up with $15,000.
moving back in with my mom will be fun!
(song: “do you realize?,” the flaming lips. the sad bits, not the happy bits.)
Posted by Lauren at 10:38 am |
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In the catalog under mood/grumpy
i want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and luscious
Wednesday, 28 April, 2004
in my quest to stop trying to collect things, i have started to collect containers for things. this is partly because i am also interested in making things from other things lately, and partially because i feel like if i could just put the stuff i have into containers and organize it a little better, it would take up less space. this is probably true, actually, because in the process of putting it from one box into another, i would be getting rid of a lot of it.
in theory.
in any case this needs to start happening soon, because i am still planning on going down to eugene for the summer in mid-june. it depends on a lot of variables, of course - it seems like everything does at this point in life - but if all goes as planned, i’ll be starting a paid library internship (for credit, too!) on june 20; i’ll be living in courtney’s super cute apartment while she has fun in africa and visiting shelby’s (well, and eric’s too) new house and andi&quent’s apartment; i’ll be sitting on the balcony drinking rennie’s lemonade in the afternoon just like old times. hooray!
(song: “perfect world,” liz phair. all except the vulnerable part. i want to be less vulnerable, not more.)
Posted by Lauren at 10:32 pm |
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In the catalog under nothing; people/pals
wishing he could fly
Saturday, 17 April, 2004
today is a day of making stuff!
first i made a sweater!
then i made some yummy burritos with sauce and yum!
then i made a skirt! on my sewing machine, i sewed it, and it fits!
then i made a web page!
now i am going to sleep.
(song: “helplessly hoping,” crosby, stills, nash & young)
Posted by Lauren at 12:08 am |
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In the catalog under mood/happy; geeky
i am a visitor here … i am not permanent
Wednesday, 14 April, 2004
it has come to my attention that i have been lacking in my detailing my mother’s love life. i mentioned that she’ll be moving out in two years and that i’d like to move in. i didn’t explain why. so here is the answer:
she is getting married.
again.
background story: i don’t remember my parents ever being together; they divorced when i was about two. my first stepdad was nice and worked for hewlett-packard, but he died when i was four or five, i think. my second stepdad is my sister’s dad. i don’t really remember a whole lot about them being together except that he had a big scary red dog and no hair. my third stepdad potentially has OCD. he thinks mom was the controlling, scary, yelly one, and he blames her for that and for emotionally abusing him (and, peripherally, me and my sister, but he is much more interested in himself), but he doesn’t realize that it got about fifty times worse as soon as he moved in. pretty much the only positive memory i have of him is when he took me to get my ears pierced when i was thirteen. it was against mom’s rule of having to be sixteen, but i think it was a planned “rebelling” to get me to like him. they just got divorced about a year and a half ago.
so counting the one before my dad, right after high school, which lasted somewhere between six weeks and six months, and which i didn’t know about until i was about ten, that makes five marriages total. and now it will be six. she is not quite fifty years old. i feel that this has messed both her and me up in a not insignificant way.
the plan is for her to move in with the new guy in a different town a couple of hours away when my sister goes to college. i was worried that this meant that she would try to sell the portland house, which i want desperately, but she says she won’t. i told her if she wants to sell it, she has to wait until i can buy it from her. then when he retires (he’s a podiatrist!) in ten years, they will buy a farm somewhere in washington. with chickens.
i am really excited about the chickens. i am slightly apprehensive, but more approving than i was of the last guy, of the podiatrist. he has grandkids so i am totally off the hook now for reproducing, which pleases me. i think he essentially asked for my blessing the other day, and i clapped my hands and said yay. so i guess i think it’s all right.
plus it lets me fantasize about the house without the pesky problem of how i got ahold of it. a fantasy isn’t as much fun if your mom has to die in it to make it possible.
(song: “the district sleeps alone tonight,” the postal service.)
Posted by Lauren at 11:58 pm |
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In the catalog under people/family
i’m not going to talk about it, i’m not going to talk about it
Tuesday, 13 April, 2004
this afternoon i went to the gym to go on the ellipticalthingy and watch bush’s address. i learned that this is bad for me: the machine wants me to have a particular heart rate, which it measures when i hold onto the handles with sensors in them, but he kept saying things that made me mad, causing me to run faster and the machine to beep at me to S L O W D O W N F O R T A R G E T H E A R T R A T E.
school = uneventful for now. nothing due for a couple more weeks, after which point i have at least one thing each week due for the rest of the term. but i am trying to do my reading this term, for the first time in my life, so i’m still busy. also i think i will try to get some of the papers done early so i am not crying so much later.
life other than school = none. sewing machine stopped working again. tutoring is still happening. mostly i have very little free time during business hours, which makes it hard to do things like go to the post office and take the sewing machine in to the shop. getting up early tomorrow to do the latter, in fact. so good night.
(song: “joyful kilmarnock blues,” the proclaimers. apparently i can only listen to one band at a time, and it is proclaimers week.)
Posted by Lauren at 11:04 pm |
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In the catalog under nothing
if it doesn’t leave my stomach, it’ll split my head
Tuesday, 6 April, 2004
things i had not done on saturday morning that i had done by sunday morning: a short list.
1. seen the proclaimers.
2. thrown up out a car window.
yeah, i don’t know what i was thinking. but it’s a good thing the proclaimers have written a song about drinking too much and throwing up, ‘cos otherwise i wouldn’t know what to title this post!
anyway, re: proclaimers, i have a favorite one but i’m not sure which one he is. i think it’s charlie. i hoped that having them sign my cd would tell me, but both their names start with c and other than that were totally illegible.
(song: “it’s saturday night,” the proclaimers)
Posted by Lauren at 6:26 pm |
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In the catalog under mood/sick
it just gets hard to believe
Thursday, 1 April, 2004
i finally understand how milton feels. my stapler at work disappeared the other day. it’s possible that i have hidden it from myself under something on my desk, but i haven’t found it yet. i didn’t know i was attached to that stapler until i was given a replacement made out of plastic. now i miss my nice heavy metal one. i’m not going to burn anything down or anything though.
i also realized today that since i started working here, i covet big paperclips. i am no longer interested in the little ones coated in colored something, even in the pink ones. and i’ve never liked the plastic triangular ones. i only want big shiny silver ones, and i only use them to paperclip things that i know are coming back to me. i never put them on things that i’m never going to see again, because then i’d lose the paperclips. how did this happen? when did i become a paperclip hoarder?
(song: “miami,” counting crows)